I Will Be Mindful

One day earlier this week I was in the kitchen trying to clean and was suddenly met with one of those big ole nasty wood roaches! My skin crawls just thinking about them! Anyway, long story short I battled it and lost, and it ran. So I ran to too. I grabbed the girls and got in the car. We went to a couple of different places, including HEB to get bug spray, and Carmen told every person she saw that "There's a big nasty bug in our house, we need a new one.". I can only imagine the thoughts that went through their minds. The answer is yes, I am a grown woman who is deathly afraid of a little bug. To the point that I can't breathe when I am in the room with one. I have such utter disdain for those creatures. They would make a perfect horror movie. If I were to see such a movie, I'd never ever ...ever sleep again. I can't handle them. It's probably a legitimate phobia.

But after hearing her repeat over and over that we had a big problem, I realized she only thinks that because I conveyed that to her. It was saddening how easily my fear was passed on to Carmen. I have been thinking a lot about it. It's an awesome thing to see parts of yourself in your children. There's nothing that gives me more of a feeling of pride and connection to them as hearing Carmen have a natural ear for music, and Cora actually looks like me! But when it's something that's not exactly a good trait, I find myself feeling almost guilty that I'm passing on my hang ups. I know not to let that guilt linger. People will have hang ups and children will pick up some from their parents. And as hang ups and faults go, a fear of giant roaches is not among the worst of possibilities. However, I will use this realization as a life lesson. A parenting lesson. I will be mindful of what examples I am leading my children by. I will be mindful of the way I talk about myself. I will be sure to believe in myself. I will make sure that they learn to love themselves. I will make sure that they learn to not love themselves too much. And I will hopefully make sure they learn how to love with courage, purity, and to see others with God's eyes.

The first lesson I learned about parenting is that I'm not gonna get it all right, all the time. I'll make mistakes. Hopefully I'll have the wisdom and humility to stop and learn from them.